Patience and enduring is something that I feel I have always been OK at. But more recently I have had a stronger desire to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am leading my family the way God has called me. Being a spiritual husband is a difficult task, not one that can be learned overnight, and I feel a great sense of need to be more than I have been in the past.
I guess what I really have struggled with is our ministry together. I want to know Gods plans, because for the first time I really feel like I don't know what He is doing and I don't like that feeling. I do know that He is working all things out for our good, but it's a little scary when it's out of my control.
So many things come with marriage. New vision, new love, new ministry. It changes your life. For the better! It's only been nine months, God is still working things out in our lives. It's good, but I am anxious to see a glimpse of the future when it comes to our ministry together.
As far as me becoming a stronger spiritual leader for my family. It's day by day. The desire burns deep, but putting my faith into action in my marriage is something I battle daily. But, overall, I am pressing through it, and will soon be through to the other side.
God's Vision: It's being worked out daily.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Faith ~ Not Emotion
My Utmost For His Highest
May 1
There was a time several years ago when I lived my christian faith on cloud nine. I would experience the move of the Holy Spirit every time would worship, pray, and attend service. I was working in full time ministry at Teen Challenge and was completely surrounded by others who were constantly on fire for Christ. It was easy to live by faith in that little world I was living in.
But, in December of 2004, I moved on from that particular ministry and the covering that I had lived under for so long. I got a regular job and just lived a "normal" everyday life. I attended church regularly and continued my christian walk. But something changed. I didn't physically or emotionally feel the presence of God with every moment I spent with Him, I didn't always hear His voice and seldom felt His prompting. I was still in the will of God, and my worship and prayer had not changed. God was changing me! He was testing my faith. Could I still do the work of the Lord without the "cloud nine" experience to drive and inspire me? Could I truly life by faith in the thing that is unseen, unheard, and un-felt?
To be completely honest with you, God is still building my character in this. I am still learning to do the Lords work, to be inspired and passionate about my walk with God without having that "cloud nine experience." I am learning daily the importance of prayer and daily devotions. I am learning the importance of being a spiritual head for my wife. And most importantly, God is always preparing me for a great work.
We can not always depend on good feelings and emotional highs to support our walk with Christ. The past few years have been an incredible growing experience for me and I have had to learn how to stand on my own two feet. I have stumbled and at times even fallen. But, my faith is strong and God is alive in me.
May 1
There was a time several years ago when I lived my christian faith on cloud nine. I would experience the move of the Holy Spirit every time would worship, pray, and attend service. I was working in full time ministry at Teen Challenge and was completely surrounded by others who were constantly on fire for Christ. It was easy to live by faith in that little world I was living in.
But, in December of 2004, I moved on from that particular ministry and the covering that I had lived under for so long. I got a regular job and just lived a "normal" everyday life. I attended church regularly and continued my christian walk. But something changed. I didn't physically or emotionally feel the presence of God with every moment I spent with Him, I didn't always hear His voice and seldom felt His prompting. I was still in the will of God, and my worship and prayer had not changed. God was changing me! He was testing my faith. Could I still do the work of the Lord without the "cloud nine" experience to drive and inspire me? Could I truly life by faith in the thing that is unseen, unheard, and un-felt?
To be completely honest with you, God is still building my character in this. I am still learning to do the Lords work, to be inspired and passionate about my walk with God without having that "cloud nine experience." I am learning daily the importance of prayer and daily devotions. I am learning the importance of being a spiritual head for my wife. And most importantly, God is always preparing me for a great work.
We can not always depend on good feelings and emotional highs to support our walk with Christ. The past few years have been an incredible growing experience for me and I have had to learn how to stand on my own two feet. I have stumbled and at times even fallen. But, my faith is strong and God is alive in me.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Spontaneous Love
My Utmost For His Highest
~ April 30
"but when His Holy Spirit is having His way with us, we live according to His standard without even realizing it. And when we look back, we are amazed at how unconcerned we have been over our emotion, which is the very evidence that real spontaneous love was there."
I grew up in a family where, from a very young age, I was forced to either love and forgive without question or allow the events that took place in our lives to destroy me. Thank God that I was taught to love. I look back on my life now and I don't understand why my scars are not much deeper than they are. I have been hurt, done wrong and have been punished for the actions of others all of my life. Don't get me wrong, I am a grown man and the Lord knows I have made my own decisions along the way as well. But, for some reason my heart can do nothing but love unconditionally, and from the truest of Gods ability, I forgive.
I can not exactly look back and remember any specific conversation that my parents or any other person for that matter, ever had with me about love and forgiveness. It was more of an example that was set before me. My mom was strong in her faith and I believe that she set that standard which became a way of life. Everyone struggles, bad things happen to good people, but what really matters in life is this... "What did I do with the love that pours from the Fathers heart into mine."
His love is there only because it "has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit..." (Romans 5:5)
When I read 1 Cor. 13:4 where it talks about love suffering long, I think about my relationship with my dad, Gene. He has been the source of a lot of hurt and pain in my life. I have tried time and time again to turn off the love I have for him. I have really given it an honest effort. But, my heart in incapable of turning off love, the same as it is incapable of unforgiven. It can't describe the feelings in my heart on this subject. Yes, I am hurt, I am sad and I may or may not ever have a close relationship with my dad again. But I love him, he is my dad and he will always have that place in my heart. Not only do I love him, but I forgive him. I have searched my heart over and over trying to find some trace of unforgiven. But I have never found any unforgiven. The only way that I can describe it is that "when His Holy Spirit is having His way with us, we live according to His standard without even realizing it. And when we look back, we are amazed at how unconcerned we have been over our emotions."
I have only begun to see in my marriage how the lessons I've learned in life have allowed me to love stronger and deeper. Because I am not a prisoner to unforgiven and bitterness I am able to share with my wife the innermost parts of me. She asks me all of the time if I think other married couples talk about as much as we do, and I can't really give her an answer because i don't know. But I do know this, I love her unconditionally, and with all of my heart. She is my best friend and I know that I can be myself around her. A love like this, that can only come from the Father, is the hugest thing that has ever happened in my life.
Love is the most incredible emotion I have ever experience.
~ April 30
"but when His Holy Spirit is having His way with us, we live according to His standard without even realizing it. And when we look back, we are amazed at how unconcerned we have been over our emotion, which is the very evidence that real spontaneous love was there."
I grew up in a family where, from a very young age, I was forced to either love and forgive without question or allow the events that took place in our lives to destroy me. Thank God that I was taught to love. I look back on my life now and I don't understand why my scars are not much deeper than they are. I have been hurt, done wrong and have been punished for the actions of others all of my life. Don't get me wrong, I am a grown man and the Lord knows I have made my own decisions along the way as well. But, for some reason my heart can do nothing but love unconditionally, and from the truest of Gods ability, I forgive.
I can not exactly look back and remember any specific conversation that my parents or any other person for that matter, ever had with me about love and forgiveness. It was more of an example that was set before me. My mom was strong in her faith and I believe that she set that standard which became a way of life. Everyone struggles, bad things happen to good people, but what really matters in life is this... "What did I do with the love that pours from the Fathers heart into mine."
His love is there only because it "has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit..." (Romans 5:5)
When I read 1 Cor. 13:4 where it talks about love suffering long, I think about my relationship with my dad, Gene. He has been the source of a lot of hurt and pain in my life. I have tried time and time again to turn off the love I have for him. I have really given it an honest effort. But, my heart in incapable of turning off love, the same as it is incapable of unforgiven. It can't describe the feelings in my heart on this subject. Yes, I am hurt, I am sad and I may or may not ever have a close relationship with my dad again. But I love him, he is my dad and he will always have that place in my heart. Not only do I love him, but I forgive him. I have searched my heart over and over trying to find some trace of unforgiven. But I have never found any unforgiven. The only way that I can describe it is that "when His Holy Spirit is having His way with us, we live according to His standard without even realizing it. And when we look back, we are amazed at how unconcerned we have been over our emotions."
I have only begun to see in my marriage how the lessons I've learned in life have allowed me to love stronger and deeper. Because I am not a prisoner to unforgiven and bitterness I am able to share with my wife the innermost parts of me. She asks me all of the time if I think other married couples talk about as much as we do, and I can't really give her an answer because i don't know. But I do know this, I love her unconditionally, and with all of my heart. She is my best friend and I know that I can be myself around her. A love like this, that can only come from the Father, is the hugest thing that has ever happened in my life.
Love is the most incredible emotion I have ever experience.
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